Instead, they only create resentment. If you punish your child too harshly, he will only be thinking about his anger toward you and not about the consequences of his actions. Unfortunately, this is one of the most common parenting traps that you can fall into. It happens to all of us. So give yourself a break. Parenting is hard.
But long-term grounding is not effective in teaching your child the lesson you want him to learn. Understand that your child has to have opportunities to make choices—good and bad—and to get feedback from those choices.
This is the best way to teach better behavior. No freedom means no growth. There is no such thing as a magic punishment or consequence that changes behavior.
Instead, focus on teaching your child the skills she needs to learn. Focus on why she chose to misbehave in the first place. So use consequences to require your child to practice the skills she needs to improve her behavior. Related content: Punishments vs.
Consequences: Which Are You Using? You are both tired, tensions are high, and the likelihood of a constructive discussion is low. This situation can wait until morning.
So, just calmly send her to bed and let her know that you will discuss this in the morning. In the meantime, you can take the time to figure out exactly how you want to handle the situation.
Then let your child talk. And just listen for a bit. Your child is likely to make an excuse to justify her actions. Next time, I want you to do that and I will come and get you. But you may not break the curfew rules. So regardless, your responsibility is to be home on time.
James Lehman recommends that you choose something connected to the misbehavior that will encourage her to make better choices. Or it may drive a serious wedge between your teenager and you. Use these grounding guidelines to get a real change in behavior from your child. Figure out what you mean by grounding. There are several types of social interaction that can be restricted.
You may want to preserve some of them as valuable while isolating your teen from those that contributed to the infraction. The more intuitive the consequence, the more effective it will be in preventing unacceptable behavior. Because grounding involves removal from a social setting, it should only be used when the behavior involves a social setting.
For example, a total and lengthy grounding is probably not the most effective punishment for shoplifting unless the event occurred when your teen was with friends.
If so, grounding from associating with those friends would be a more fitting consequence, along with another consequence like community service or working without pay for the establishment from which they shoplifted.
Both the rule and the consequence should be specific. When the rule is established, set the consequence—like being grounded from friends for the next two weekends. The punishment is easy to administer when the rule is broken because the consequence was understood up front.
It may also be useful to involve your teen in making the rule and setting the consequence. Your child will have a stake in the validity of the rule and know that the consequence is fair and justified. If too much time gets in between the behavior and the penalty, the message is less clear. Grounding for a week, or two or three weekends is probably sufficient to get the message across without losing it over time.
A month may be too long. As the parent of a teen , a shorter time gives you a lesser chance of caving in and reducing the grounding period later. You can link grounding to other consequences that would allow teens to earn a reduction in the grounding period if they so choose. This might include things like major jobs around the house cleaning out the garage or stripping and waxing the kitchen floor or volunteer time at a local social service agency.
Applying the consequence of grounding may not be sufficient for preventing a recurrence of the problem. You have your teen's attention, now help him work through why he broke the rule and what he will do in the future. Ask him to identify the problem and develop five possible solutions. Discuss the pros and cons of each of them. You may allow him to reduce the grounding time by writing a report on the unacceptable behavior and developing a plan for not repeating it.
Grounding can be an important tool for parents in their discipline kit. But like any tool, you must use it when it is appropriate and for the right kind of job.
Experts recommend revoking privileges that kids really care about, such as access to cellphones, laptops, or gaming systems. Parents are already doing it: A recent Pew Research Center report found that 62 percent of parents said they had taken away a cellphone as a punishment.
Kids can get angry and resentful, seek revenge, and a cycle of retaliation begins. Remember: You want to encourage your child to do better next time. While most of the research on disciplining kids involves a variety of methods, not just grounding, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that punishment in general is effective. One Washington University study found that punishment for bad behavior is more likely to influence behavior than offering rewards when a child behaves well.
Another recent study found that strong punishments such as timeouts and groundings reduced behavior problems in the most oppositional children, but only if used less than 16 percent of the time. And the American Academy of Pediatrics examined a large group of studies and found that in preschool children, a timeout increased compliance with parental expectations in most instances, and similar effectiveness is seen with older children.
To be effective, however, researchers note, the timeouts or groundings must be used consistently but infrequently, and for an appropriate amount of time. Three decades of research on timeouts show that they work best when they are brief and immediate, according to Alan E. Long groundings also make it more likely that the parents will relent after a few days. We grounded our kids, though not very often, because we wanted it to be meaningful. The hardest thing as a parent is that you have to commit to it.
It gives you time to think about what you did. If a kid is happy staying home and playing a computer game, grounding is a bad choice. The goal of parenting is not to have your children like you.
The goal of disciplining your child is to change their behavior for the better, not simply to punish. Have an interesting story to share about your family? Email us at YParenting at Yahoo. Trump was admitted to the hospital on October 2, , while Christie checked himself into Morristown Medical Center in New Jersey the day after. Buddy Hield has connected on more 3-pointers through his first games than any player in NBA history.
0コメント